junkie.

so, I have discovered recently [maybe i've even said this in an earlier post. i don't remember] that i am an adventure junkie. addict. enthusiast. fanatic. you get the point. so it is not a bad thing that i've had to stick around for fall break [i write this during my 9th hour at the olson front desk today]. i'm making money, i'm catching up on sleep, i'm getting things done [although maybe not all the things i should]. but if i'm honest with myself and with everyone else, yes, i am bummed to be here. olson is creepy when it's basically empty. i've watched more tv/ movies in the last 3 days then i should in a week. the dc meals are atrocious. but those are just complaints. the real issue i'm bummed is entirely selfish. i was so excited for an adventure. like i said, i'm addicted. and i had been planning this sweet adventure since summer. i had been looking forward to it since august when i left the ranch. i had made plans, told people i was coming, set expectations. and then life happened. i don't know why, but i don't really cope with some of this stuff so well. i have a hard time not setting expectations or dreaming/ hoping, despite the fact that expectations are often dashed and i tell myself over and over that i need to stop setting them. does that mean don't dream or don't hope? no, i don't think so. but i think it means stop living life assuming things will turn out the way you expect. i still want to have an adventure and something to look forward to, so if you've got any ideas let me know. i really kind of want to random road-trip to charleston- we'll see how that works out. i need to find a friend that doesn't mind skipping friday class so we can take a 3 day weekend. but seriously, i'm going to make a point to stop living expecting things to turn out the way i plan and pray to be humbled. it all eventually comes down to an ego issue where i think my way and my ideas are always good and right and good for me. oh humanity, it's always a fight because i'm not good or right and i am often presented with that fact but can't seem to change my life/ mindset to really start living like the Lord is the only good and right thing in my life.