some much needed R & R...

so, I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about what the Lord is teaching me. and the last couple years, He's been teaching me a lot through the refining fire. I no longer shy away from the fire; I just grip my Father's hand ever tighter as I walk through something that could definitely be painful. It reminds me a lot of that passage in CS Lewis' Voyage of the Dawn Treader where Eustace is the dragon and Aslan starts tearing through Eustace's scales with his claws-kind of a painful process- then Eustace sheds his layers. He then throws Eustace into the cool water and Eustace feels the water to a whole new degree for the first time. It almost stings because it's so refreshing. That is how I usually feel when the Lord digs his claws into me- it tends to be kind of a painful process. But the last two days have been me getting thrown into the water and feeling its refreshment in a new and deeper way. I'm not going to write a whole lot about the last two days, just post some pictures. The Lord is refreshing me during this little slow period. I may not be making much money- the ranch may not be getting the guests it needs, but I might well make lemonade out of the lemons and enjoy my time off.

our morning ride group: Anna, me, Paudh, Tim (guest), Will, and Maddie (guest)

from the top of High Ridge- this is where I get to live...
Will and Anna drinking in God's incredible creation...if you look closely, you can see Pikes Peak in the background

view of the valley on the way down from Helen's Rock

my afternoon ride: a shed antler hunt! my horse, Newcastle, Will, Paul, and Jacob

me and my boy, Newcastle. He may not be a looker, but he's got personality and speed.

Lost Valley...they call it that for a reason.

our spoils
proud to claim the prize for this hunt- I found three!! (and yes, I was the only girl)

afternoon ride followed by java chip milkshakes :)

Paul's i'm-so-happy-because-i've-got-ice-cream face

The best part about all this is that these are only pictures from one of my days off this week. I was also off today and I went to Denver, got starbucks, had chick-fil-a for breakfast (now I see why everyone raves about their breakfast), got a haircut and a pedicure, went to PF Changs for lunch, got to shop for a friend's birthday package, then went to the Bucksnort with two other girls I work with where a live band played one of my favorite songs. All in all, it's been a couple of really great days off and I am so thankful for the rest and refreshment the Lord has provided.

"where the rubber meets the road..."

So this post is most definitely inspired by Brooke, one of our ranch moms who consistently catches me during a break to ask me how I'm doing, what I'm thinking and what's going on in my heart. Just again today she caught me as I was heading back to the lodge to set up for lunch and dove right in, asking me how I'm doing. Just a couple days ago, I had a day off where I truly took the day off- I didn't invest in any guests, any staff or anything Lost Valley and I got off property, went to Denver, and reconnected with the outside world for a little bit. Besides a 2 hour drive, I got errands done, treated myself to Starbucks, and purposefully caught up with some friends that have known me through a lot of other walks of life. Basically, this place was starting to feel like a fishbowl and I was anxious to get away for a little and have some time to think. I do my best processing verbally (to any of you who know me well, this is no surprise) so a long phone call and a visit with a friend I've known for just shy of 2 decades was the perfect time to process everything that's been going on in my heart and mind. Work has been hard lately. From a couple of over-capacity weekends to just last week filled to the brim with 80 high-energy high school seniors, mix all that in with a crew that's still striving to hit the mark of high-efficiency and the mid-season blues, I was hitting a wall. It's crazy how when there's so many little (and maybe a couple big) things going on, they can all add up and make you crazy. Little things could get me down for a whole day. Fear and frustration of the unknown weigh on my subconscious. News about my grandma's declining health hits like a load of bricks when I'm already carrying a ton. Basically, there's been a lot that continues to pile up and makes me want to check out of life and just hide for a while. This is where the title phrase comes in, for two reasons. First, it's a phrase I definitely associate with Brooke when she's challenging me to push through the hard stuff and live out the truth I know. But it also struck me today because I did so much processing while I was driving on Wednesday. It was so therapeutic to leave the ranch without other ranch friends for just one day to get a little perspective. And lo and behold, the Lord is faithful and not only did He provide for each of the necessary details to work out, before I had even finished the first 9 miles on the dirt road, He was already refreshing me and reminding me that I love being here. I buy into this place, as you all have heard me talk about already this spring. I know I'm supposed to be here and I know I am fulfilling my purpose right now. But that definitely doesn't mean it's going to be easy. And usually, it's not. The real reason I went to town to begin with was to speak at a TU alumni event in Denver. I ended up seeing a TU/ lifelong friend before and catching up on the phone with another TU friend after. The whole day reminded me that TU was an incredible experience that changed my life drastically. I saw intentional community lived out for the first time in my life. I have wonderful friends, faculty, and staff people that I still keep in touch with 2 years after graduation. For a lot of people, college, particularly Taylor, is the best time of their life. That's not true for me. It was a really incredible time that I highly value. But I am so blessed that I still live in an incredible time of life. I get to be here, at Lost Valley. Another intentional community lived out. BUT... It's not easy. It's not easy to explain my job to a bunch of TU alumni at the alumni gathering. It's not easy to lay out my plan for the next couple years to my friends and family who are wondering. It's not easy to live in community with your 30 coworkers. It's not easy to start work at 6:45 am everyday and not be finished until 8:30 pm every night. I'm not here for easy. I didn't sign on to serve myself. I don't get to know all the answers and I don't get my wishes. What do I get? I get to learn how to struggle well. I get to learn to be transparent. I get to know what Jesus means when he says, "take up your cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." I don't have all the answers. I don't always have a smile on my face. I don't know how long He has called me to this place or in what capacity I will serve here. But I know He is good. And I know I am to be faithful. I will pray that He gives fun and laughter to each day but whether or not that happens, I will be faithful. Music is such a powerful tool so I'm going to leave you with a few lyrics that have been running through my mind and a photo from here in the valley that is definitely a visual depiction for me of these words. "It's like I know where I need to be, but I can't figure out, just how much I will need to breathe when your tide washes over me. There's only one way to figure out, will you let me drown? Hey now, this is my desire, consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful to touch me." And a classic: "When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say, 'It is well. It is well with my soul.'"

About time for a new blog post...

Hmm, where to even start? So a few weeks ago I mentioned some news- I couldn't really talk about it then but now everything is out in the open so I can share it. I was asked to consider a job change- still here at the Ranch but moving into the office as the "office manager". At first, I wasn't thrilled about it- in fact, I completely dreaded it. I was so wrapped up in my wishes that I couldn't see how the Lord could use me or change my heart. While it's still a daily choice to die to myself, the Lord has taught me so much. One big catalyst is a sermon from Matt Heard, the pastor at Woodman Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs. Woodman is kind of the ranch's "home church" but I had connections to Woodman long before I knew about the ranch. Matt's doing a series on The Lord's Prayer and a few weeks ago, his sermon was on the phrase, "Your will be done." You can find the sermon here. I definitely recommend listening to the series called Conversations that Matter. Anyway, one of my biggest take-aways has been to try shifting my focus to the Lord's will, instead of my own. It is no coincidence the Lord wanted me to hear that sermon at that particular time. Submission- I need to learn it, we all do. And I need to live it. I need to submit to His will every hour of every day, and it is a daily battle. Man, it is HARD. I have the tendency to want to do things and work towards characteristics with the mindset that if I get it right for one day, it'll stay that way. That certainly isn't true and it definitely isn't true in regards to dying to myself, submitting to the Lord's will each day and asking Him to take control of my life. And then to tie in all those lessons on trust I've been learning. It's so hard but it's so good. Joshua 24:15- "choose for yourselves this day who you will serve." Nothing has been decided, I've done a couple of "test days" in the office but otherwise, things are pretty much the same, but ya know what? I'm okay with not really knowing right now what all this is going to look like. I believe that the Lord has good in store for me and all I need to know right now is that I need to take life a day at a time, not worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries of its own, and simply do His work. One last verse to leave you with, Malachi 3:10- "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." There's so much other scripture that has been reminding me so much of God's truth lately, but most of it is mentioned in that sermon. So listen to it. Also, a few prayer requests that I'll hopefully expound more on soon- my friend Julie- her back and job possibilities, my friend Lauren- her family, her grandma in particular, her being so far away, and the Ranch staff- we leave tomorrow for our staff retreat for the week, pray for safety, fun, unity and fellowship, and that we would see the Lord clearly. Thanks all.

prance with vigor.

If any St. Louis natives are reading this, hopefully you already know where that title comes from. If not, it's the motto of Kaldi's coffee- my very favorite coffee shop that originated in St. Louis. It was the first title that came to mind when I thought about this post, which will be short in the interest of time but totally just hit me.

So I have a bunch of friends who are totally on the adventure of a lifetime. Working on a glacier in New Zealand. Riding a motorcycle from Ecuador to Peru. Teaching in Israel. Crazy awesome things like that. It gives me wanderlust. I think about what they're doing and it totally makes me want to pack my bags and jump on a plane back to Africa or to South America or somewhere and have a great big adventure, meeting the local people, experiencing their culture and sharing Jesus. I think about my friends doing these awesome things and how inadequate I feel. They are living life on the edge, breaking out of their comfort zones, and experiencing God's heart for the nations. Then it hit me. I live in paradise. I work at one of the most unbelievable places I have ever been. I get to minister undercover to some crazy interesting people who have literally searched the whole world to find something that is always with them, Christ. I live in the middle of a national forest. I walk to work everyday. I get to ride horses with my coworkers on a regular basis. I have the greatest extended family anyone could ever know and I get the privilege of living in community- intense, fishbowl, pressure-cooker community- with them every single day. I get to know this extended family through their best and worst times, and they get to know me in mine. I get to worship, work, and weekend alongside these people. Right now we're in the midst of orientation for all the new staff but we've all been doing it together and the topic that keeps coming up and striking me is the concept of "buying in". To be here and do life here well, you've got to buy in. You HAVE to believe in this place, in the mission, in the community, and in what we do and why it's worth giving up most of your creature comforts and conveniences. And ya know what? I do. I buy in. It's why I came back. It's why I committed for at least a full year here, if not more. It's why I can be given some crazy news and overwhelming options and still believe that no matter what I really do in the place, I'm serving the Lord and hopefully planting, watering or cultivating the seeds of Christ in the guests that come through here. Like I think I've mentioned before, trust has been a big topic the Lord is teaching me lately. Trusting in Him, in His character, in His will, and in His plan to reveal it to me. I came across this verse the other day, "But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You." -Ps. 33:18-22. I don't think it's a coincidence that the Lord has been teaching me to trust Him in huge ways. I can't really say too much about it but some circumstances changed for me today and I have some decisions to make- I don't ever take decisions lightly but I can't and won't take this one lightly. I am learning to practically live out the trust in the Lord. I could use your prayers for wisdom and how to ask informed questions to make educated decisions.

In the mean time, I'm going to "prance with vigor." I am living the dream, literally, and while I may not be hiking glaciers or motorcycling or walking on the roads where Jesus walked, I get to live out Is. 52:7, " How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, 'Your God reigns!'"

humbled by His goodness.

ok, I don't even know how to start this post because there is SO, SO, SO much I want to say. First off, I want to adore my Creator and Father and King. He is unbelievably good and good to me and I am so undeserving. Ok, big things the Lord has been doing in me lately: 1) Calming so many of my fears. I'm a worrier. Always have been, probably always will be to some degree though I do believe I've gotten much better. I'm also insecure- let's face it, everyone is. So with so many of the people I've been really close to at the ranch leaving at the end of last fall, I was terrified about returning and feeling like I had no friends. And while of course it will take time to feel like I have a handful of really close friends here again, the spring staff is INCREDIBLE. I mean, oh. my. goodness. God couldn't have hand-picked a better staff for this spring than He has. It is blowing my mind how excited I am to be here at the ranch for this very season. I'm in awe of the people He brought here for spring and a lot of them for summer too, which only gets me MORE excited about the potential for awesomeness and Kingdom work this summer and leadership for our busiest season. Spring cleaning these past couple days has been a PLEASURE because of the people I get to work alongside each day. Look at how many words I've just capitalized to see how excited I am. I haven't been sleeping at night despite being bone-tired because I start to think about how blessed and thankful I am and my mind starts going a million miles a minute and I stay awake into the wee hours of the morning. It's a little ridiculous :) Staff meals have been a party, group events are just buzzing. I will always miss "the originals" that I knew here and first welcomed me and made me love this place but I can see how it was time for them to move on and I believe just about each one of them is right in the middle of God's will. And at times it definitely feels like people are missing- not that they've been replaced, just more people have come and those originals are supposed to be back. But the new staff members for spring have breathed so much LIFE into this place in just the few days I've been back. It's refreshed me and I know it's refreshed and excited other returning staff members. It's a beautiful thing. 2) The Lord has made me CONTENT. Yes, I just capitalized, bolded, and italicized that word. I have struggled with contentment in almost every season of my life. It's been one of my biggest burdens for years and I've hated that I've felt so much discontent. So what changed? I've been learning to TRUST the Lord in a radical way, and in a way so much deeper than I've ever experienced before. I have absolutely no doubts that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. For as many doubts as I had about being here in the spring for all of fall and the break, returning was like slamming through a brick wall- the wall of doubt and right into the land of contentment. And the contentment I have allows me to trust the Lord even more. 3) Lately I feel like the Lord has been showing me a lot of how I've been growing, particularly since college. I think part of that is having so much time to reflect but it's been a huge year and half for me and my faithful Father has shown Himself to me SO much and is now causing me to realize some of the depth of the lessons I've learned. One? Vulnerability in community. I was straight-up challenged to be vulnerable in my community at Frontier and most of the time I ran from it because I didn't feel accepted 90% of the time. The times I was vulnerable because I wanted to be was rare- I often felt like I did it because of the accountability and challenge of my mentor and the camp director. So much of that was my own insecurity. However, despite not being very good at it, my time at Frontier was completely invaluable for me to really learn vulnerability and the freedom that can come with it. This fall at the ranch really stretched me to be vulnerable- there were times I felt the Lord pressing down on my like a weight to share something, even though I was terrified. He used the vulnerability and incredible life-stories and realness about struggles from others to break down my barriers and walls. In the few days I've been back here for spring, I've already shared with one of the new girls on my crew some of my deep passions and joys and even insecurities. I have incredible freedom in the Lord, every believer does. And He is allowing me to experience it and life to the fullest. I know forgiveness and redemption for past mistakes and struggles. I am able to be compassionate about struggles I haven't experienced. I want to seek people out and build relationships and do the messy, hard WORK to know others and be intimately known. I fall asleep with a smile and I wake up with a smile because of how much the Lord is at work in me and how passionately I want to pour that out onto others. 4) The Lord has been revealing Himself in so many ways- being back in unbelievable creation with snow and mountains and breaktaking stars that I can see while I lay in my bed at night (I know, I'm SO spoiled to live here), beautiful people and faces and smiles and hearts for the Lord, the rich history of this place and the way it's been ministering to people for half a century, but He has been the most clear in His WORD and dwelling on my relationship with Him. I have a yearlong Bible- it's broken down for OT, NT, psalms and proverbs to read each day and this is the 2nd year I've been going through it. I'm for sure not very consistent and while I have read the Bible in its entirety, reading it in a year brings it together so much clearer because it's a shorter period of time and it forces me to read more. Lately, every daily passage has pounded truth into me and I've been able to dwell on it throughout the day. Also, I started reading Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. Absolutely fabulous. It's rocking my world, seriously. A huge concept from the chapter I'm currently on: Faith + hope= trust. Dwell on that. "Faith arises from the personal experience of Jesus as Lord. Hope is the reliance on the promise of Jesus, accompanied by the expectation of fulfillment. Trust is the winsome wedding of faith and hope." And there's so much more about how our trust in the Lord lets us know more of His character and ourselves and how we have both a loving, intimate, relational Father in God but He is also the King of all creation and as Pastor Matt Heard from Woodman Valley Chapel has said, "it's a posture of a bow and a hug at the same time." "Disregard of God's immanence deprives us of any sense of intimate belonging, while inattention to His transcendence robs God of His holiness." -Manning. Basically, I'm getting a spiritual workout right now and it feels so good. Alright, there is SOOOO much more I could and want to share right now, but I haven't been getting much sleep and it's already after midnight with a couple of busy days ahead of me. Your Kingdom come, Lord. Thank you for loving me and not leaving me the way I was.

awake my soul because i want you to live forever

so this post isn't of anything too valuable but I've been listening to a lot of great music lately and i just want to give a little shout-out to some of my current faves. especially because any of you who know me, know how different these choices in music are from my country love that has topped my itunes for the last... 9 years. I can definitely thank all of these interests, maybe minus dave and ingrid to my year at frontier- and that i knew about all these bands at least a few months before they became popular with all my other friends. i think i'll post a couple of my favorite lyrics, along with each artist. so here goes.

1.

The Avett Brothers. I have actually had the privilege of seeing them in concert, but I kind of feel like a sell-out when I say that because I didn't love them all that much before I saw them. I will say that concert is what sold me, though. They are SO musically talented. And honestly, I was a foot from the stage, it was a cool venue, and this picture doesn't do them justice but they're fairly attractive, so what was not to like? Favorite lyrics: from Laundry Room: "Stop your parents’ car. I just saw a shooting star. We can wish upon it. But we won’t share the wish we made. But I can’t keep no secrets. I wish that you would always stay. Last night I dreamt the whole night long. I woke with a head full of songs. I spent the whole day. I wrote ‘em down, but it’s a shame. Tonight I’ll burn the lyrics, ‘cause every chorus was your name." Man, SO good. That song would be the one that got me to like Avett to begin with.

2.

Mumford & Sons. I like their voices more that I like Avett Bros, and their lyrics are unbelievably good, and deep. Check 'em out for sure. Ongoing question about how close they are to knowing Jesus. AND now I have these super sweet memories of introducing all the kitchen girls/ waitrii to them and blasting them in the kitchen- just the pick-me-up I need after serving a 4 hour long breakfast shift, knowing the whole day is still ahead of me. Favorite lyrics: tied. Awake My Soul: "Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all. But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall. Lend me your eyes I can change what you see. But your sou you must keep, totally free...Awake my soul, You were made to meet your maker." And Sigh No More: "Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you. It will set you free. Be more like the man you were made to be. There is a design, an alignment, a cry of my heart to see, the beauty of love as it was made to be." Not just are their lyrics ballin' but the music that goes along with it.

3.

Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors, or as I know them, Drew and Ellie. I could plug them all day long because they. are. legit. I am pleased to call them friends after 1st session at Frontier where they were special music, but more than that, they just love on kids. Their career and talent make them extremely relevant to highschoolers, but their personalities and obvious love of the Lord and straight up awesome life stories draw people in. AND watching them perform live for a month, everything from their own music to covers to worship, made them so much more dear to my heart. They have a couple awesome love songs, which I adore, but can't picture them ever being "my song" with someone because they are so clearly THEIR songs. I can't really explain any better other than you can see their love for each other even more clearly when they perform their music together. They are stellar. AND they just came out with a new album. And I picked this picture because I know the photographer too. Mrs. Sharon Clark. She's fabulous, check out her blog. And this picture was taken near Frontier/ Buena Vista, my home for a year and one of the most beautiful places on the planet. Favorite lyrics: good gracious, there are so many. It might be a 3-way tie. I like to be with my when I'm with you: "With you I can be myself. With you I don't have to be somebody else. It's like putting on my favorite pair of shoes. I like to be with me, when I'm with you." Fire and Dynamite: You are a novel in a sea of magazines. You make me nervous, you make my heart beat. You are red in a sea of black and white. You are fire, you are dynamite." And last but not least, this song is actually Patty Griffin's, and I don't even know if it's hers originally but I like Ellie singing it best so I'm gonna give her credit. When It Don't Come Easy: "I don't know nothing except change will come. Year after year what we do is undone. Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run. And I keep wondering will we ever make it home...Well if you break down, I'll drive out and find you. If you forget my love, I'll try to remind you. I'll stay by you, when it come easy. When it don't come easy." And goodness, there's so many more. Hung the Moon, Live Forever, Better Love, The Valley, Fly Home in the Morning. Check them out, for real. They're good stuff.

4.

Dave Barnes. He's just good. Favorite lyrics: Until You: "What better way to spend the night then wasting it with you. The moon has won the war. The daylight waits to end. Stay here by my side, we'll watch the struggle start again....Love was kept from me like a secret and I swore that I was through, until you." Not to mention his Christmas album. All so good.

5.

Ingrid Michaelson. I love this picture because this is kind of how I feel when I listen to her music. And she's just cool, she doesn't wear tons of make-up, she's not a super weirdo, and she's a normal human-being size. Praise the Lord for normal people making it big time as musicians. Favorite lyrics: Maybe: "I don't wanna be the one to say goodbye but I will...I don't wanna sit on the pavement while you fly, but I will...'cause maybe in the future, you're gonna come back."

So much great music out there. This doesn't start to cover it. But if you like music, buy it. Don't steal it. I think of personal friends that are trying to make a living by being musicians and they can't do it if you're stealing their music. That's my soapbox.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

God is good, all the time. I just spent the last 45 minutes or so reading through all my blog posts dating back to the end of summer '08. My conclusion? God is good, and He's taught me SO much in the last 2 and half years. I mean seriously, the lessons I've written about on here are HUGE. And the best part, He's not done with me yet. I mean, unless I die in my sleep tonight, He's still got so much more to teach me. You want to see a picture of God's goodness- read those old posts. I mean, you'll see the picture of God's goodness in MY life, but I believe a lot of people could probably relate. I think my favorite was a post I wrote towards the end of senior year where I listed things I'd said that I learned during my time at Taylor. It's awesome. And lately, the Lord has been showing me more big things. One big one: that I've grown and I want people to know. My dad and I got in an argument about something fairly trivial but it made me so mad because he totally judged me based on previous mistakes. It got me to thinking a lot, because I hate arguing with my dad. Two big things-first, thank God He loves us enough to not leave us where we're at. Forget if it's hard, which it usually always is, praise God He doesn't leave us to our sin. He's saved us from it and He's in the midst of changing us and redeeming us. Second, pay attention to the way people have changed and grown. Praise the Lord for it and commend them for the work they've put in to doing it. That argument with my dad made me so upset because he didn't recognize any of the growth and change that's happened in my life since I lived at home, 6 years ago. There's a lot more lessons on trust that I've been learning, with some great revelations from Brennan Manning's book, Ruthless Trust, but those will come later, when my journal is at hand and it's not 2 in the morning. God is good, all the time.

injera and wat.

I miss Ethiopia.

Warning: not for the faint of heart

so, usually I write about the big happenings in my life but I've been reflecting on 2 things for the last couple days and since I can't get them out of my head, I figure they're blog-worthy.

1. Lost Valley. How in the heck I got to be so blessed as to be chosen to work there, I have no idea. While there are so many times I'm sure I gripe about the ridiculous schedule or whine about having to live in the middle of nowhere, I really love it. I mean, seriously, it's probably not healthy to say how much I'm kind of obsessed with it. I was sad the day I got on the plane to come "home" to St. Louis for 2 months because I knew how much I was going to miss it, despite the fact I was exhausted from working there. And oh man, I do miss it. I've had the privilege of seeing LVL groups a couple times since I got home and I honestly get giddy everytime I'm with ranch people, because they UNDERSTAND. Saying goodbye to ranch friends for any length of time is hard, but at the same time, usually when I say those goodbyes, I know deep down that I'll see them again. It's the weirdest thing- I have SO many connections to that place and those people. Pretty much everywhere I go, there's some connection back to the valley. And all the people from the ranch I've gotten closest to, I've seen multiple times since they left the valley "for good." It kind of blows my mind when I think first getting out of the van when I first arrived in the valley. I was committed for a summer, with every intent of leaving at the end of the summer and checking out YL property staff. A year and a half later, I'm committed for 8 more months minimum and I love it more than I ever have. I don't idolize it- I've certainly seen the problems that exist there and I've watched people grow stagnant in their time there. Lord willing that won't be me. I think the biggest thing that brought me to this realization was seeing these LVL groups during my break. First I had lunch with Jake when I went to Taylor for a weekend. Then I saw Jake, Hanna, and Caroline in Indy as stop #2 on my big roadtrip I just completed. The funny thing about that time was that I have only worked a couple days with Jake and Hanna and yet I consider them great friends. All of us had SO much fun together and honestly, if I could rewind to that night, I completely would. The trio continued on to Hilton Head for the 2010 summer staff reunion and I kept in touch with them during the entire trip, laughing at the descriptions of lost valley groups out in public. I think we all forget (or don't really care) that we don't live out in the real world together very often and we tend to be a little ridiculous. The last stop of my 11-day roadtrip was Birmingham, AL for a Lost Valley wedding. Man, we were out of control. The group of us that came for the wedding all attended a brunch the morning of the wedding, which was fabulous, but we had to actively work to integrate with the other guests at the brunch. Then we spent the rest of the day before the wedding together and again, out of control. I think we spent a good hour in Bed Bath & Beyond, finding wedding gifts and hanging out in the store, probably being a nuisance. Then came the actual wedding/ reception. We weren't all seated together during the ceremony, which was probably a very good thing because the other 2 people I sat with- we couldn't stop chatting it up during the wedding. We were tasteful, but I can only imagine what 15 of us all together would've been like. The reception was completely hilarious. So I actually knew a few other people there, most of them friends of Roxy's that I had met but one of them was a girlfriend of one of the yearlong interns/ a girl who had been on summer staff. I felt kind of bad when I realized at the end of the night that I really hadn't talked to her at all because I was so content to be with all my ranch friends. We were a group together on the dance floor, we hovered around the same table and next to Roxy's group of friends from school, I think we were definitely the largest presence at the wedding. And we were definitely the only friends to know both the bride and groom, which made the wedding extra fun for me.

Most of the lost valley group at the wedding. It's not the best picture, and it's not edited but I don't even really care. The smiles are so genuine, the night was so fun.

1a. Another reason I've been reflecting on lost valley so much as been the realization that everywhere else in my life right now is so filled with NOISE. Gosh, even driving in the car on the way to this coffeeshop where I sit to write this, I got so fed up with how loud and obnoxious the radio seemed so I just turned it off. This wasn't even the first coffee shop I stopped at. I went to another one but it was so full of people and they play their music way too loud so I got back in the car and drove here. It's still loud here; I kind of long for the days when I could go to Payne's in the middle of the day and be the only person there besides the barista. Or I miss driving into BV and going to the View cafe. It certainly didn't have the best coffee in town, but it was always so quiet- the baristas were usually surprised to see me in there- wondering why I'd want to come sit by myself. Why do we feel the need to fill our lives with so much noise all the time? It's a topic that I dwelled on a lot in college due to different seminars and conferences and I always knew I had a lot of "noise" in my life but I didn't really take any steps to eliminate some of that noise. Now, after living in a couple of very quiet places, I realize how much I HATE all the noise. The first day back to work after all the summer campers left at Frontier, the first thing I noticed? How QUIET it was. The first thing I noticed about living up at the Doublewide? How quiet it could be. It's so peaceful to live in quiet. It honestly pushes me to reflect and think about what the Lord is doing in my life. I can't wait to get back to Colorado and the quiet of the wide open spaces.

2. I don't really know how to title this section or even really bring these thoughts into a concise statement. I could call it reality or character or intentionality; I don't know. Something. Ok, so about a week ago, I was in Knoxville having coffee with Callie, one of my summer staff girls from Frontier. We got to talking about life and boys and relationships. Part of this could definitely have been a result of my sleep deprivation (I had been up since 3 that morning, running on about an hour of sleep and it was about 10 pm) but the conversation came up again with my friend Julie and I've kept dwelling on it since, so I'm pretty sure it matters to me. Callie started telling me about this boy who had kind of been pursuing her but had never really told her how he felt, just left her with this ambiguous statement about what was going on between them. She was anxious and wanted some kind of definition about where they stood. Of course she did; newsflash boys: girls ALWAYS want some kind of concrete statement. We always want you to say, "hey, I like you. I want to date you." Or even, "hey, I like you. Let's see where this goes but know I'm pursuing you." I started talking about the bible study we did at the ranch this fall on the book, "Lies Women Believe". It's a pretty decent book. Take it with a grain of salt but I think I'd recommend it. One of the biggest take-aways I had from the study was that our sin as women, tracing all the way back to Eve, was that WE WANT CONTROL. Jesus told us to submit. We want to not submit- we want to be in charge. The more I grow and seek the Lord, the more I want a man who will seek the Lord and lead me, but that is definitely a result of my growth in the Lord. And when I'm weak? I want control. I want definition. I want things to go my way. I don't want to submit to the Lord's will and plan; I want my own agenda accomplished. I don't want to be patient- I just want the Lord to tell me His plan. I want the guy I'm supposed to marry to show up and tell me right now how he feels. So two things I've been learning and dwelling on and become passionate about: girls- ps. 46:10- "be still and know that I am God". Take it to heart. There's a million other verses about being obedient and submitting and waiting on the Lord. Ps. 27:14- "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." If you want a man to lead, give him the chance to. Be patient and a real man will seek you out and pursue you. Guys- step up. Be intentional. Pursue girls. Tell them how you feel. LEAD THEM. You are called to be leaders so be exactly that. You want a woman to submit? Then lead so she can submit. The wedding I was just at was for a couple who lived this out, to the max. One of the bridesmaids asked all of us who worked with the couple at lost valley if we saw their marriage coming. There were some mixed reactions but one thing we could all agree on was that Scott started to pursue Roxy and they were both extremely intentional from the minute they started their relationship. For a year they were long-distance and Scott told Roxy how he felt in August and they didn't really start dating until they first saw each other, which wasn't until October but good gracious, that boy pursued her. He called her, he prayed for her, and he sought her out, even despite their Ohio to South Carolina long-distance. He led that relationship and now he's leading their marriage. I'm going to try my best to do my part, to be still and wait on the Lord and submit and hopefully, it'll give some man the opportunity to step up and lead. Can you tell I'm a little passionate about this topic? I wish you could see how fired up I am about this just sitting here alone in a coffeeshop.

Ok, I need to get going, they're about to close. I know I don't have many readers, but hopefully some glimmer of God's truth was reflected to those of you reading this. That and the gratitude I have for getting to live this awesome life I live. Thanks be to God.